Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
