As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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