apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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