this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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