I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
