I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I still have a little drunk in my system
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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