Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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