she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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