The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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