I wanna passion pit in your ass
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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