the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Text me some of your sweat
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