Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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