Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
