I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
