I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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