he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
