she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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