I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
