your thong is hanging out like whoa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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