My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My dick has a subreddit
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
