dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
