i don't like sucking hair
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
