Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
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Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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