Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
