Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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