I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
