I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
