The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
