i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up under a house in Key West
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