yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
