K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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