she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
