There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
