She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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