He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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