I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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