I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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