Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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