porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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