She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
