last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
