i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I didn't notice because vodka
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
