You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
