I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
