I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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