this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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