I wanna passion pit in your ass
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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