I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
