I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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