I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The air was thick with penises
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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