i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
