Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
