I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
