it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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