cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
