That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
