he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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