happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
