I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
