planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
