i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
