whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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