i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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