Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
