Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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