I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
