Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
