I got chris browned last night
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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